Hi there!
Here are two versions of one of my poems
(with a metaphor that hits you over the head with a hammer).
Version #1 as published by Cricket Magazine
CLEANING OUT
by April Halprin Wayland
this old shirt
used to fit
but now I can’t slip into it
out it goes with the give-away clothes
now my closet opens wide
it’s easy to find my clothes inside
hangers dangle
unoccupied
this idea
used to fit
but now I can’t slip into it
out it goes with my give-away woes
now this closet opens wide
it’s easy to find ideas inside
it’s swept–wind-blown…
with empty hangers of its own.
=================================
Rewrite:
CLEANING OUT
by April Halprin Wayland
this big shirt
used to fit
but today I swim around in it—
out go all my give-away clothes
now my closet opens wide
it’s easy to find the clothes inside
hangers dangle
unoccupied
this idea
used to fit
but today I reconsider it—
out goes what I used to know
now my life is opened wide
it’s clean-swept, wind-blown…simplified—
it’s easy to find the me inside
